There is something about the crisp appley-fall air that makes me quite melancholy. I am so loving this season of autumn this year. The crunchy leaves, the little scurrying squirrel in our trees, the feeling of preparing for winter etc. I have had this post in my mind since last spring - so it has been ruminating inside me for some time now. This is about my original thought and creation of a new word - "Regret-ion Versus Rejection". I have always wanted to picture my life as one that was without regret, but alas, when I look at my past with an honest heart - I realize there are regrets. But this is not what I am speaking of, what I speak of is in the "present". Sometimes we wish to do something in our life that requires courage and sacrifice and strength. And we apply for something that might not be accepted. That is hard and yet I have learned that I want to TRY for things even if I am rejected. I want to "invite" people to come unto Christ - even if they don't want to . . .I want to apply for Chaplain post-graduate classes - even if the supervisor does not want a mormon Chaplain in her program. I want to take risks and seek out opportunities even if I am rejected - because it truly is better to feel rejection rather than "regret-ion"or not even trying at all. So that is the lesson I learned last spring - tis better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all. Shakespeare? I don't think so. . .I think he speaks of loving and losing rather than trying - but let us all TRY ON in good faith and hope!!
PS I did get accepted into the Chaplain program - first mormon to be accepted!
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Leaving Family is Hard
Today I made the ever-familiar trip from Utah to return to my home in Colorado. This time I traveled the road all by myself. I have driven the road alone before with children in the car, but this time I was all alone; all alone with God. I cried as I departed my "Place of Beginnings" - Provo. Why was I crying? I didn't like leaving my baby Lyla who is an adorable toddler now. I didn't like leaving my 83 year old Dad wondering if this would be my last time with him. I didn't like leaving my daughters at college without having more precious one on one's with them. I didn't like leaving my sisters and brothers without being able to serve them and help them somehow. I didn't like leaving my daughter in law knowing it will be a while again till I am with her once more.
It is hard not to share my life with my family. I miss them so often. They were my "ready-made" friends during all of my growing up years and I loved that! As my few friends in Colorado are busy in their lives of work and grandchildren, I am feeling lonely.
I wonder if this is the way that Ruth of Old felt when she chose to live with her mother in law instead of returning back to her own home when her husband died.
Frank and I have lived with his parents and family for over 30 years now and I have been without my family for about 20 years now. I can see the value of spending our lives here with Frank's folks, but I miss my own people. My sister Sandy told me that my loneliness will not change simply if I moved to Utah where my whole family resides. I know what she is saying is partly true, but at least I could participate in more of the weekly, monthly, seasonal gatherings than I do now.
Don't get me wrong, I adore Frank's family. Truly, I do. It is just that I have an achey longing to be with our growing grandchild. I would love to spend regular time with her; take her on nana-outings, have special luncheon dates, and sleepovers etc. I know, I know, that Lyla does not even live in Utah, but I would dearly love to be close. This is hard for me. Wasn't it hard for you too, Ruth?
Today I made the ever-familiar trip from Utah to return to my home in Colorado. This time I traveled the road all by myself. I have driven the road alone before with children in the car, but this time I was all alone; all alone with God. I cried as I departed my "Place of Beginnings" - Provo. Why was I crying? I didn't like leaving my baby Lyla who is an adorable toddler now. I didn't like leaving my 83 year old Dad wondering if this would be my last time with him. I didn't like leaving my daughters at college without having more precious one on one's with them. I didn't like leaving my sisters and brothers without being able to serve them and help them somehow. I didn't like leaving my daughter in law knowing it will be a while again till I am with her once more.
It is hard not to share my life with my family. I miss them so often. They were my "ready-made" friends during all of my growing up years and I loved that! As my few friends in Colorado are busy in their lives of work and grandchildren, I am feeling lonely.
I wonder if this is the way that Ruth of Old felt when she chose to live with her mother in law instead of returning back to her own home when her husband died.
Frank and I have lived with his parents and family for over 30 years now and I have been without my family for about 20 years now. I can see the value of spending our lives here with Frank's folks, but I miss my own people. My sister Sandy told me that my loneliness will not change simply if I moved to Utah where my whole family resides. I know what she is saying is partly true, but at least I could participate in more of the weekly, monthly, seasonal gatherings than I do now.
Don't get me wrong, I adore Frank's family. Truly, I do. It is just that I have an achey longing to be with our growing grandchild. I would love to spend regular time with her; take her on nana-outings, have special luncheon dates, and sleepovers etc. I know, I know, that Lyla does not even live in Utah, but I would dearly love to be close. This is hard for me. Wasn't it hard for you too, Ruth?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)