It's a sacred work

Karina, Frank and I took a vacation from kidney concerns over the summer and it was a wonderful time. We didn't talk about transplants, donors, future hopes and plans.
We hooked her up each night and unhooked from dialysis each morning, but that was the only time we thought about kidney failure.
Now, the summer is over and we need to address Karina's future once again.
A quick recap: after 2 months of testing and one week away from proposed transplant surgery - we were told that there were a few concerns in regards to my donation; ie. 2 arteries vs 1 and my age. This news absolutely devestated Frank and me. Only through the Spirit of God would any feelings of peace even be possible. But, God is good and loves all of us and grants peace when we choose to seek for it rather than being angry.
My 51st birthday came on the 26th of June and Frank asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him I wanted only one thing: a kidney for Karina. Well, that very afternoon, in our mailbox we received a packet from my niece in Utah with all of the needed forms filled out to be a donor. Then, that same day, on our email was a message from a dear friend requesting the needed forms to be a donor. Once again, our heart's desire was given hope in these two angelic young women. Another dear friend from our church came forward and she and one of the other ladies was tested. Their matches were not great and so we began waiting once again.
Soon thereafter, another friend from our church asked me continually for the needed forms for her to become a donor. I didn't give her the forms immediately. She is a young mommy and I didn't want her to take any risks for her young family. She persisted and I finally consented. I gave her the forms. She filled them out; was tested; and is as good a match as Frank.
She then began the process of testing out all of her functions to be declared well enough to live on just one kidney. After a few months, I sat beside our donating friend as she underwent the very last series of tests; psychological, physical, etc. We watched a slide show on the transplant surgery. After a long day at University Hospital we went home and waited for the news. A week later, she was told she needed to get some of her pain medications for her back under control and then maybe in 6 months she could be looked at again as a possible donor.
Back to watching and waiting. It is indeed hard to not get emotionally invested with each "hope". But our gratitude is so immense for those who have willingly stepped forward to offer such a gift of life to our baby, Karina. The scripture verse from John 15:13 - Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friend. That is how Frank and I feel. There are indeed, angels among us!

Such an honor

Hopefully, by next week I will be finished with all of the medical tests to deem me able to donate my kidney to Karina. The tests have been pretty easy-just time for scheduling etc. I have had a colonscopy, chest xray, TB test, numerous blood tests to determine if I have any serious problems in my blood. We did find out that I have an epstein barr virus/mono strain in my blood. This concerned me and I called about it and was told not to be alarmed - kind of normal for adults (my age) to have mono without knowing it. Hmm. Today I start a 24 hour clearance to check all of my urology/nephrology systems. Next week, a stress test for one morning to see the condition of my heart. I never realized how much the heart and kidneys are related.
I am anxious to be finished and declared healthy enough for Karina. I am anxious to get the dates set with the hospital for our surgeries. I am anxious for Karina to be feeling better again.
Frank has told me he thinks this is heroic of me to do this. I don't really agree with that. It is such an honor to be in this position. I am so thrilled my kidneys are a good match for Karina. I realize that I am merely doing something parents the world over would happily do for any of their children. So many parents have to sit idly by their suffering children without the opportunity to step in and help alleviate the suffering. Kidney sick children give their loved ones a chance to step in. This is a tender mercy from the Lord, in my opinion - to be allowed to do something to help Karina.

My mama is gone

I am in my 4th day of the grieving process for my dear Mama. She passed away on Saturday. I was in the Denver Airport heading to my gate when Frank called my cell phone and said, "She is gone." I was a little numb and stunned when I heard this. There i stood in the middle of a big airport surrounded by strangers and learning I will never get to see, talk or hug my mama again in this lifetime. How surreal.
I really miss her.

Any mom will do whatever she can to bless her child. . .

Well, the test results are in! Camille's antigens matched only 1 out of 6 to Karina's antigens. The remaining 5 antigens were reacted to by Karina's blood - which means Karina would probably reject Camille's donated kidney. So with Cams out of the picture, my tests became very critically important. Surprisingly, (to all the staff at the lab and Children's Hospital) I matched with 4 out of 6 of Karina's antigens. And when my remaining 2 antigens were tested against Karina's blood - there was a negative reaction - so she most likely would not reject my kidney.
So, now that this is known, it is going to get more serious for me. I need MRI's, ultrasounds, and 24 clearance tests etc. The transplant nurse said I will have the best workup I could ever get in order to find out how healthy I am. They don't want to compromise my health by donating a kidney. So, the present prayer is "Please God let my body be healthy enough so I can share a kidney with Karina!!" If they find something out about me that would risk Karina or me - then we will be back at the drawing board. We will be seeking/praying for a cadavier donor or someone else.
When I told my mom the good news about my antigen match with Karina, she asked me how I felt. I told her, "95% honored and 5% scared". Truly, this is indeed a sacred honor. I have only had surgery two times in my life; minor surgery - wisdom teeth taken out and tonsils removed when I was a little girl. Our five children were all naturally born without medication. So, preparing for surgery etc is a little daunting - but that is okay. The biggest stumbler right now is losing weight. I have been given different potions and pills to help in this. I am not going to take any - what if they react in my body and cause me flunk my next tests?
So, I am on my own trying to eat lots of vegetables and low fat meats and cut back kon my beloved carbs; like bread!!
This is such an adventure - one I never dreamed of going on.
I remember the second day in the hospital after we learned of Karina's kidney's failing her. And the nurse told us we couldn't offer blood to Karina as they wanted us to be preserved to possibly donate a kidney to her. (a transfusion might have built up her antibodies against our blood type etc). I remember turning to Frank and saying out loud, "I gave her life once, perhaps I can do it again." Well, God willing I will be able to in just about 6-8 weeks from now. I really hope I can.

Calling out for more Faith and Prayers

Last week (3/29) we met with the Transplant Staff Camille and I have begun our workups to see if we are healthy enough and can be a match for Karina.
There are many more tests to be taken - not just physical. We are screened for psychological and emotional stability. (And I thought losing weight would be the toughest part for me, haha). Truly, my BMI is a little above the optimal and I am praying and hoping that giving Karina new life can be enough incentive to lose weight. Anyone would say this should be all the incentive one would need. But, really losing weight is difficult anyway for me. I am the gain a little quickly - lose a little slowly body type. So, under the best of circumstances - when stresses aren't so humongous - it is still tough. But, now, woW!
So I guess there are two miracles that we are seeking : one- that Camille or I might be a match (or a type 0 cadavier kidney might come available out there) and two - I might lose the needed weight. We are hoping the middle of this summer Karina might be able to receive a kidney transplant -
Last month, our family had the privilege of riding in a convertible limo in downtown Denver for the St. Patrick's Parade. There were an estimated 200,000 Denverites there. We rode in the "Make A Wish" brigade. Frank and I were both surprised at the great love and support we felt as we made contact with many moms and dads with tears in their eyes as they saw the make a wish limos pass them by. I hadn't expected that kind of "group hug" feeling we received from our fellow Coloradoians that morning.
I am starting to look forward to each new serendipity surprise that is waiting around the next corner on our adventure with Karina.
PS Happy Birthday to the Best Man I know - Frank on March 13th. And Karina turned 15 on March 10. Our royal Pearl Princess only becomes more precious with each birthday.

When do you call a miracle a miracle?

This is about Karina our 14 year old and her kidney failure that began about 6 months ago to today. Quick summary: End of Aug. Children's Hospital staff tells us Karina is in kidney failure. Her bun and creatnine levels were alarmingly, shockingly high. After much of Sept. being spent in the hospital getting her prepped for peritoneal dialysis at home. All the while in during her hospital stay, we prayed God might heal her kidneys and make them healthy and strong again. But this is not what God had in mind. We began looking at the miracles He did want to give us. We realized the Big miracle - Karina survived and was still alive in spite of the toxins that had been in her body. Then in November, we were told because her dialysis, diet and medications were working so well - she could begin the process of being listed for a transplant. December more extensive tests were taken and we learned her antibody levels were at a shocking level of 93%. For transplant, the levels should be at 10%. Our church community and friends fasted and prayed especially for Karina's to come down so she could get listed for a transplant. In January, we received news that the levels were still at 93%. Then in Feb. we received a call telling us that her antibodies are unusual ones and they feel she can still receive a transplant. Miracle? I guess so. God really does move in mysterious ways. Once again, HIs miracle was not the miracle we had planned on. Because His miracles look so different from the ones we pray for and plan on - sometimes I cannot believe. But He is teaching me. Now, I can see that God really desires Karina's transplanted kidney to come from a live donor as a cadavier donor for O blood is a 4-5 year wait. As well as we might need to have her receive some intervention for her elevated antibodies which needs to have a transplant timeline (cadavier cannot do this. . .). So, it looks like God needs someone to give up their kidney for Karina. Camille and I are happy volunteers and we hope to begin getting worked up soon to see if either of us is a good match. It would be best if I could be the best match - as I have had the blessing of bearing children and have lived my half century already in pretty great health. Who the donor is will yet be determined. I marvel at the path God seems to be funneling us into - very specific.

Senior love

This past week I saw a sweet example of love between a couple in their mid 80's. Right after I finished my aqua arthritis class and was putting equipment I heard a lifeguard whistle blow. I turned and saw Jack fall into the water and my hero husband jumping in the pool after him. Jack is almost 90 years old. He has neuropathy in his legs and cannot hear. After he had climbed out of the pool after class and was reaching for his cane, he slipped and fell back in the pool. He hit his chin on the side and scraped his entire left side. I quickly jumped in to talk with Frank about what we should do. The lifeguards watched us from the sides. We tried to lift his body (6ft 5in or so) out of the pool. I quickly looked for his wife Evelyn to tell her what happened to Jack. The look in her eyes spoke much to me. I saw fear, anxiety and love in her eyes. Evelyn and Jack are the only couple who attend our class. Evelyn has a great fear of water. So, frequently after our class is over, Jack will give Evelyn a swimming lesson. She will put on her goggles and lay back in the water and Jack will gently cradle her head as he leads her around the pool while reassuring her with his big, big smile and kind words. I am not the only who notices this tender display of love. Others in our class stop and watch. Evelyn called me later that evening and told me Jack was okay. He didn't break any bones and hopes to be back in class in a few weeks. Thank you God for giving this sweet couple more time on this planet together.

Learning about Love

As the news about Karina's antibody levels being high came in, I remembered again this is all about God's love for Karina and so many others.
Since September, 2009, when we learned about Karina's kidneys failing, I have been tutored by the Spirit about LOve. When wondering if Frank and I could survive having Karina not be with us on the earth anymore - made me look at our many friends and family who have indeed survived after losing a child to death. It was in the painful dread of her possible death that made me realize I might love my children and husband more than I love God. I think I now know I have had the 2 Great Commandments in the wrong order. How can I possibly learn to love God more than them? A wise friend we had to dinner last week shared this with me; "Remembering that any love we have in this life is a gift from God helps us." Then, it must be keeping in mind the "source" of love that puts our priorities in the right place. Without God, there is not love. Without God, there is no Karina, Nicolle, Camille, Ty or Trevor. Without God, I would not have the love of my life sharing each day and night with me. God is Love. Love is from God.
Does knowing this make anything easier? I believe it should and I am holding on to that.

A new hobby!

Wow!! Hannah, my dear friend, spent most of her afternoon today helping me set up my own blog. I am very excited about having a new place to share my world with my friends. See you in February.