Times are changin
It has been years since I have written a new post. I believe the time to return has now arrived.
Since, I last blogged, much has happened in my Life.

About 5 years ago, with an empty nest and an intense longing to serve others, I began an intensive training at Littleton Adventist Hospital to learn the ways of Pastoral Care. For all intents and purposes, I became a Chaplain to patients almost immediately. After two years of serving there and sitting at the bedside of many hurting people; I decided to explore a program which can help sorrowing people move to grief completion or resolution. I became certified in The Grief Recovery Method and have spent the past 3 years holding grief groups and meeting one on one.

I feel very blessed and grateful for the rich, sacred opportunity to meet with burdened people as I sit beside them and they unravel their story to me. It is wondrous to me the resiliency of the  human soul; such an honor and privilege to be invited into a persons heart. There is so much courage in the vulnerability and great promise for healing when there is honest disclosure. For me, It is sacred space to be present when a heart is revealed and opened.

Now, there is great global concern for everyone’s physical health as well as fiscal health. People are trembling in fear or are oblivious to the seriousness of our world. Sometimes it seems like a dream or like we are watching a movie or reading a book. This is pretty earth shattering (poor pun).

My husband and I have counseled quite a few people recently and loneliness is a prevailing emotion which has been observed. And now there are rules and health mandates telling us we must keep a safe distance from each other. Hugging and shaking hands is now restricted also. The lonely get lonelier as human contact is decreased. I like to hug and touch and embrace my friends and family. Now I feel like a stranger on this planet as I must stifle innate response to others.

Expressing love and affection is being altered for now and I am seeking different means for connection. Today, some neighbors chalked our driveway and sidewalk with bright colored sunshine’s and messages of love and good cheer. I send texts to friends and family and organized a small women’s support group. My husband and I created a zoom group to be connected with our children and grandchildren in Virginia Beach, Atlanta, and Oregon.
Even though our community feels a bit like a ghost town to me and maintaining 6 feet distance between myself and neighbors as we pass each other on the greenbelt path seems odd; I will continue to be careful. With two immune compromised daughters living with us, we try to minimize risks of covid exposure.  This mysterious virus from Asia is chanfpging our world quickly. For the past decade I have prayed for the second Coming of the Lord. Is this the beginning? I’m now getting some cold feet as I recognize life might become quite difficult. Our prosperous abundant lifestyle might need to be streamlined. Sacrifices and inconveniences might become necessary. This universal malady is equalizing our world. The rain falls on the just and the unjust, the poor and the rich. We are all at risk to experience some suffering before this is over. It’s kind of exciting and scary at the same time.
My faith is with my a God who knows what is happening on planet earth right now. He has made marvelous promises to us if we remain faithful and true. Faith not fear.

Back to blogging

Times are changin’

It has been years since I have posted a new blog. I believe the time to return has now come again.
Since, I last blogged, much has happened in my Life.

About 5 years ago, with an empty nest and an intense longing to serve others, I began an intensive training at Littleton Adventist Hospital to learn the ways of Pastoral Care. For all intents and purposes, I became a Chaplain to patients almost immediately. After two years of serving there and sitting at the bedside of many hurting people; I decided to explore a program which can help sorrowing people move to grief completion or resolution. I became certified in The Grief Recovery Method and have spent the past 3 years holding grief groups and meeting one on one.

I feel very blessed and grateful for the rich, sacred opportunity to meet with burdened people as I sit beside them and they unravel their story to me. It is wondrous to me the resiliency of the  human soul; such an honor and privilege to be invited into a persons heart. There is so much courage in the vulnerability and great promise for healing when there is honest disclosure. For me, It is sacred space to be present when a heart is revealed and opened.

Now, there is great global concern for everyone’s physical health as well as fiscal health. People are trembling in fear or are oblivious to the seriousness of our world. Sometimes it seems like a dream or like we are watching a movie or reading a book. This is pretty earth shattering (poor pun).

My husband and I have counseled quite a few people recently and loneliness is a prevailing emotion which has been observed. And now there are rules and health mandates telling us we must keep a safe distance from each other. Hugging and shaking hands is now restricted also. The lonely get lonelier as human contact is decreased. I like to hug and touch and embrace my friends and family. Now I feel like a stranger on this planet as I must stifle innate response to others.

Expressing love and affection is being altered for now and I am seeking different means for connection. Today, some neighbors chalked our driveway and sidewalk with bright colored sunshine’s and messages of love and good cheer. I send texts to friends and family and organized a small women’s support group. My husband and I created a zoom group to be connected with our children and grandchildren in Virginia Beach, Atlanta, and Oregon.
Even though our community feels a bit like a ghost town to me and maintaining 6 feet distance between myself and neighbors as we pass each other on the greenbelt path seems odd; I will continue to be careful. With two immune compromised daughters living with us, we try to minimize risks of covid exposure.  This mysterious virus from Asia is chanfpging our world quickly. For the past decade I have prayed for the second Coming of the Lord. Is this the beginning? I’m now getting some cold feet as I recognize life might become quite difficult. Our prosperous abundant lifestyle might need to be streamlined. Sacrifices and inconveniences might become necessary. This universal malady is equalizing our world. The rain falls on the just and the unjust, the poor and the rich. We are all at risk to experience some suffering before this is over. It’s kind of exciting and scary at the same time.
My faith is with my a God who knows what is happening on planet earth right now. He has made marvelous promises to us if we remain faithful and true. Faith not fear.

People Minded People

This blog is my recognition for people who are aware of and interested about other people.  A few weeks ago, I was meeting a person I had not met before. We began a brief conversation about my recent work as a Chaplain at our hospital. He asked me "What was it that sparked your interest in Chaplaincy?"  I was glad for his interest and so began sharing what prompted this latest career shift.
Just within a few short sentences of background; a friend of this gentleman came up to him and without even acknowledging that I was talking with him already - my "listener" then turned to his recently arrived-friend and completely ignored me. I believe I was even mid-sentence when he turned his complete attention and face away from me.
I didn't know quite how to save face. So I turned to this man's wife who was sitting next to him and continued on with my explanation. She was politely interested in what i was saying. But I felt kind of awkward talking with her in response to a question that she hadn't even asked. So I quickly ended and  thought about other moments when I have been disregarded or simply ignored.
About 5 years ago, my husband was asked to speak at a church dinner seminar. There was a dinner preceding Frank's talk. We arrived at the stake center and looked around. The gentleman who had extended the invitation to Frank saw us and simply carried on his conversation with another.  We were a bit lost as this was not our church community. We didn't think we knew anyone in the auditorium.  We weren't sure if our "host" had a special place for us to sit for the dinner. We just stood with each other and then looked around wondering what would be appropriate for us to do.  After what seemed like 15-20 minutes, our "host" came over to us and looked around the room at the tables which were mostly filled up by this time and in a panicked kind of manner - he took us to the closest table and quickly told us to just sit down.  (Obviously, he hadn't cared to make a plan to accommodate for us).
Fortunately for us, the table we were placed at had a friend of ours already sitting there. We were happy to catch up with our friend and enjoyed our dinner while visiting with her.
Frank gave a great talk and taught us well.  Yet, the main lesson I learned from this evening was that there are People-Minded People and there are people who aren't really interested in other People.
I also became self-aware that I am no longer intimidated by people who are disinterested in me. In the past, when someone didn't listen to me, or notice me, or make appropriate plans for me - I would walk away feeling inferior and insecure.
Never again will I feel "less than" someone else simply because they don't regard me.  I now realize that they are the ones who are missing out on what matters the most in life. All that really matters is people; listening to people, caring about people, nurturing people and loving people.
I desire to be one who is a People-Minded Person. That when others are with me, they might feel important and significant. I hope to honor others so they might know they have value and what they say and feel matters to me. I wish my intention to become a part of my character and something that comes naturally with everyone I encounter from here forward.

There is something about the crisp appley-fall air that makes me quite melancholy. I am so loving this season of autumn this year. The crunchy leaves, the little scurrying squirrel in our trees, the feeling of preparing for winter etc. I have had this post in my mind since last spring - so it has been ruminating inside me for some time now. This is about my original thought and creation of a new word - "Regret-ion  Versus  Rejection".  I have always wanted to picture my life as one that was without regret, but alas, when I look at my past with an honest heart - I realize there are regrets.  But this is not what I am speaking of, what I speak of is in the "present". Sometimes we wish to do something in our life that requires courage and sacrifice and strength. And we apply for something that might not be accepted. That is hard and yet I have learned that I want to TRY for things even if I am rejected. I want to "invite" people to come unto Christ - even if they don't want to . . .I want to apply for Chaplain post-graduate classes - even if the supervisor does not want a mormon Chaplain in her program. I want to take risks and seek out opportunities even if I am rejected - because it truly is better to feel rejection rather than "regret-ion"or not even trying at all.  So that is the lesson I learned last spring - tis better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all.  Shakespeare? I don't think so. . .I think he speaks of loving and losing rather than trying - but let us all TRY ON in good faith and hope!!
PS  I did get accepted into the Chaplain program - first mormon to be accepted!

Leaving Family is Hard
Today I made the ever-familiar trip from Utah to return to my home in Colorado. This time I traveled the road all by myself. I have driven the road alone before with children in the car, but this time I was all alone; all alone with God.  I cried as I departed my "Place of Beginnings" - Provo.  Why was I crying? I didn't like leaving my baby Lyla who is an adorable toddler now. I didn't like leaving my 83 year old Dad wondering if this would be my last time with him. I didn't like leaving my daughters at college without having more precious one on one's with them. I didn't like leaving my sisters and brothers without being able to serve them and help them somehow.  I didn't like leaving my daughter in law knowing it will be a while again till I am with her once more.
It is hard not to share my life with my family. I miss them so often. They were my "ready-made" friends during all of my growing up years and I loved that! As my few friends in Colorado are busy in their lives of work and grandchildren, I am feeling lonely.
I wonder if this is the way that Ruth of Old felt when she chose to live with her mother in law instead of returning back to her own home when her husband died.
Frank and I have lived with his parents and family for over 30 years now and I have been without my family for about 20 years now.  I can see the value of spending our lives here with Frank's folks, but I miss my own people.  My sister Sandy told me that my loneliness will not change simply if I moved to Utah where my whole family resides. I know what she is saying is partly true, but at least I could participate in more of the weekly, monthly, seasonal gatherings than I do now.
Don't get me wrong, I adore Frank's family. Truly, I do. It is just that I have an achey longing to be with our growing grandchild. I would love to spend regular time with her; take her on nana-outings, have special luncheon dates, and sleepovers etc.  I know, I know, that Lyla does not even live in Utah, but I would dearly love to be close.  This is hard for me. Wasn't  it hard for you too, Ruth?

It is time to live again

Well, this post finds me ready to begin my life once again. It has been 8 months since my last blog. Happily, I can report that as of December 9, 2010 Karina is carrying 3 kidneys inside of her now. Thanks to an angelic family of Justin and Katie Riggs, Evelyn and AJ our baby has a fresh new beginning with a healthy, wonderfully functioning kidney. The miracle of their generousity still moves me tears and makes me weak with gratitude.

After her transplant I went into some kind of "post-traumatic syndrome". There was a feeling of numb shock. I found myself sitting alone staring outside our window without a thought or emotion inside of me. Was I depressed? Was I tired? Was I lost? It seems I was all of these three things. Depressed? I am not really sure about this one - how could I be depressed? The mere idea is absurd - with so much to be grateful for. . . Tired, yes! Absolutely tired. . . Lost? This is probably the most accurate word for what I was feeling at this time. For 18 months (the length of a sister's mission) we were on a mission with God to save a precious soul and her body. Frank and I and our other children, our parents, our extended family, our ward and stake family, our facebook friends, our friends across the world were all joined together as we fasted, prayed and hoped for Karina to be healed somehow from her kidney failure. Now that she is out of "crisis" - what are we supposed to focus on now? Frank has his music and this creative passion of his gives him something to put his extra time into now. I, on the other hand, am wondering for what purpose am I here for? Except for Karina, our other four children are well on their way to becoming wonderful, beautiful adults.

I have realized that I have two real passions in me; God and Family. God needs to become my center more than my children have been - I now understand my mother's love for us, her children. She sometimes seemed way too connected to each of the six of us. Now I get it, I get her. . . This month on April 24th as we celebrate new life and resurrection - we six children of Dixie Lynn Gunnerson Magers will be remembering her passing one year ago.

I think part of my "lostness" is not having my mama here with me anymore. . .